


upside down and inside out

by kirakirakirari



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: F/M, History References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-14
Updated: 2014-12-14
Packaged: 2018-03-01 10:00:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2769080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirakirakirari/pseuds/kirakirakirari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He'll just need to be enough. For her. For them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	upside down and inside out

American doesn't think of himself as an idiot, because when a huge fight happens between him and his girlfriend, he knows he's at fault. Okay, perhaps he's an idiot, he shouldn't have asked that. He's an idiot, because he knows it won't end well.

_Do you really like me after what I've done to your country? Do you really forgive me that easily?_

He had the worst timing, if he said so himself, but it's not like he asked the question out of blue. It has always been there, since the moment they rebuilt their relationship, hanging around them like some leaves about to fall - and when they do fall, all the happiness they have managed to come upon will scatter.

He doesn't think he will take it well.

The row was long and bitter and after a while, when they, no, she didn't have any strength to talk anymore, she merely stared at him, wordlessly pointed to the door. The message was clear: "You, get out before I make you." And damn, it was his place. He ended up staying at Japan's. Japan shook his head accusingly, and American knew what he was thinking before he had a chance to say:  _You shouldn't have brought that up._

The next day, he went back to his place, half-expecting it to have fallen in ruin, but it remained the same, and he decided it was a good sign (or at least, it wasn't as bad as he had thought.) He was tired and didn't catch much sleep. (Well, the floor in Japan's house was a bit cold to his liking.) but he convinced himself to drag his inconvenient ass to her house and apologize (and he couldn't stand Japan's staring at him so unwelcome - it was a bad idea to tell Japan about his row with Vietnam, he realized with horror).

Yes, he could do it. He had done it before.

Vietnam is always tolerant of him. Civil and polite. She wouldn't kick him out without letting him speak first.

Yes, he could do it.

On his way over, he noticed half of people he passed scowling at him (or staring at him with eyes bore the expression Japan had on his face.) It was so strange and so scary. Did he make more enemies overnight without ever knowing it?

First rule of going out with Vietnam, Taiwan (the calm and collected and understanding girl) would tell him later on, you hurt her and you're on China's shitlist. Though China and Vietnam had had a noticeable fallout in the past years (he wouldn't tell how many years), but they managed to make up, one way or another.

("Of course they're more than friends, more than brother and sister," Taiwan said, "No, it's not what you think. Their relationship is too complicated to be formed in work. He created her." She pondered a bit. "And once upon a time, it was unwavering trust and support for each other. He taught her everything. He made her a whole. He broke her, yes, he pulled us apart, yes. But that bond remains forever. Do you understand? I even I think it's difficult to get."

And her eyes suddenly got cold. "I'm close to her, too. China made sure we girls stayed together.")

And American came to realization. If you made China your enemy, half of Vietnam's friends become your enemy, too. Taiwan, Hongkong, Macau, Korea, Laos, Cambodia, it was like they were staring dagger at him. Great, he had managed get on the bad side of China - the leader, the big brother. American wondered if he could end it by beating the crap out of China, but he would certainly get on Vietnam's bad side. So uncomfortable. And when he came to her house, the Prime Minister regarded him with such a cold look and said: "No, she isn't home. I've heard it said that she's paying a visit to Thailand..."

As luck could have it, Thailand told him that she had just gone for a few hours, but "Do you need something else?" It was there just a moment, but America was sure that a certain emotion had passed behind Thailand's glasses and he caught it; that was when he knew Thailand knew what happened. He considered the sinking feeling in his stomach as disappointment. Did Thailand's eyes just flash? Thailand seemed nice, the nicest of ASEAN (well, certainly nicer than Laos - who threatened to kill him, and Cambodia - who always looked at him in disgust and Philippines - who always scowled at him. All of this had something to do with Vietnam, but he didn't like to think about it.) America didn't want to be on Thailand's shitlist.

(Vietnam introduced him to Thailand - the first one didn't threaten to kill him, and America found relieved.

"I'm glad that she has you." Thailand told him, smiling. "Do you believe it, that girl told me to teach her how to smile!"

"Shut up, Thailand, no one asked you." Vietnam replied, then turned to America. "Don't mind him, he's old. He talks crazy things sometimes."

"Hey!"

But later, Thailand told him, all smiling gone and that left seriousness. "You'd better keep an eye on her. Sometimes, it worries me that so much love will scare her.")

The second rule of going out with Vietnam - this Japan didn't tell him but America found out immediately - was that if you hurt Vietnam (intentionally or unintentionally), you were trading shaky waters with Russia, too. They used to have him their common enemy, after all.

Russia placed his hand on America's shoulder - why did America have the feeling that he had meant it to be a punch? - and said in his cheerful voice:

"Isn't it America-kun? Are you looking for Lien?"

America decided he didn't like it when Russia spoke her human name.

"Yes, I am. Do you know where she is?"

Russia only gave him  _that_ smile. He knew! But he wouldn't say to America. That was all.

"America-kun, you know it's bad manner to talk about the war to Lien."  _Stop with her name. You two aren't even that close!_ "You know the destruction your army caused to her country. And certainly, you remember Ho Chi Minh, don't you? Old wound could never heal. You remind her of the war, she'll remember him and she'll be hurt. Lien misses him."  _  
_

Ho Chi Minh, how could he forget?

("I know he was born to do great thing." She said, when they were celebrating her birthday, which ironically, was the day that man, her president, was gone. "You know what, at first, I couldn't believe that he was..."

The word 'dead' stopped at her throat. And America couldn't do anything but hold her.)

They made up that night before he returned to his country.

("I talked to England", she said. He winced. England would strangle him the next time they met. "I was being unreasonable. I'm sorry. Sometimes I wonder that too, why did I forgive you that easily. But all matter is that I forgive, so please, let me do the 'forget' part, too."

It sounded less like an apology but a vow to herself, but it was better than not talking, not knowing, better than her silence - which remained the loudest in his ears whenever he remembered her.)

She had nightmare that night. She screamed and hugged him as if he was her last pillar in the world.

("I saw them." She said. "All bleeding and dead. I heard them ask me why I hadn't saved them while they fought for me. It was..."

He held her, just held her. If he let go, she would break into pieces. He wouldn't repeat China's mistake - made her a whole and broke her like porcelain. He held her as if she would disappear into the wind.)

The next day, she saw him off with smiles.

("You should ask for pills." He told her. "What happens if you have nightmare while I'm not here?"

He wanted to tell her not to go anywhere he couldn't hold her, couldn't comfort her, but the moment she took his hands and said: "No, thinking of you is enough to make the nightmares stop", he found it completely unnecessary.

Old wound never really heal, then he just needs to be enough.)


End file.
